Time to cut toxic people out of your life
Toxic people are very dangerous for our well-being and progress. Such relationships can be a massive drain on your time and emotions.
During our life, we tend to meet people that are envious, paranoid, selfish and manipulative. People that are controlling, cheating their way through and trying to harm you to gain benefit. Those type of behaviours is classified as “Toxic Personalities”.
One common thing that all toxic people have is the fact that they do not bring anything positive and constructive to your life but they will make sure that you feel guilty and they are the victim of your behaviour.
It is essential to clear up if a person’s behaviour may be toxic to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re overall a bad person. We should be very careful with who we trust and who are our friends.
As Max Ehrmann writes; “Exercise caution… for the world is full of trickery” (Max Ehrmann, 1927, Desiderata). If American’s poet and writer words haven’t convinced you. Perhaps the words of George S. Everly, PhD in psychology might do the job. In his article about toxic people he writes; “Betrayal is a pain that lasts a lifetime. Those who betray others will betray you. So, be selective when choosing your friends.”
So how to avoid toxic personalities and make sure not to fall into their twisted gimmicks? First of all, we have to learn about their behaviours.
Here are the six toxic people characteristics that will help you to notice and avoid being the victim of emotional manipulation;
- They will disrespect your boundaries.
Toxic people have no off switch, they won’t stop until they get to their goal. Even if you tell them what you don’t like about their behaviours — a toxic person will just dismiss that and continue to do what they like.
2. They are manipulative and controlling.
A manipulative person is hard to detect. They may be coercive and selfish or use the turning tables method to make a victim out of themselves just so you can give your remorse and guilt. That is how they gain control over you through manipulating your own emotion and using it against you. Mind people that tend to play the victim and cry a lot that is very toxic behaviour.
3. Compulsive lying.
Toxic people are naturally dishonest and occasional exaggerating facts. They lie to gain anything from control to support with helps them to establish a bond with people. Deceive and lying is just their manipulative tool. Be careful of people that exaggerate and colourize stories. Even little lies now and then can lead to toxic behaviour.
4. Always right, victim play.
No matter what happened, they are the victim and they are right. This is very important to understand, toxic person will always play like they are right and the one that harm was caused to but in reality, they are behind the curtain pulling strings and harming people.
5. Judgemental.
Toxic people hobby is gossiping and criticizing. It is very unusual for them to be supportive or say something nice. In most case of toxic behaviour, they expose other people’s flaws to mask their low self-esteem. Such actions will hurt your well-being and take your positive energy.
6. They will take and never give back.
Being in a toxic relationship is probably one of the worst experiences one can have. Such relationships are never equal, toxic people are absorbing your energy. They require your attention and emotional support in some cases they will also take material things away from you. Remember in such a relationship you will never get anything back.
Now, we know the toxic personality main traits and how to notice those characteristics before it's too late. But what if we are already in such a relations ship, how do you separate yourself from this person? It is very hard and sometimes if you try to cut yourself out of it they might become abusive and/or aggressive in verbal and physical matter.
Here are some ideas you can use in your defence;
1. Distance over removal.
Firstly, you have to think if the relationship is just a minor negative and if we can actually improve it just by adding some distance. In some case detachment works like water against fire, we are slowing the pace therefore dynamic is not so rapid.
You can always distance yourself emotionally from. If distance fails then complete removal needs, in that case, do not be afraid of going into extreme like blocking their phone number or social media so they won’t be able to contact you.
2. Don’t let yourself be dragged into an argument.
Be confident in standing your ground of not going into emotional dispute. This their area and they will defeat you on it no matter what. Remember toxic people are masters of deception. Going into a verbal argument will never be helpful for you. I would advise you to firmly restate your boundaries and then just end the interaction. If you feel like you are close to an argument with a toxic person, stay neutral. They play on your emotions, an important aspect to remember is to never be either positive or negative.
3. You get to choose the method of communication.
You can just send someone a text or give them a call to cut this relationship, there is no guilt in that and you are not obliged to meet them in person and give an explanation.
4. Don’t give any explanation.
It is fair for you to choose not to tell how you feel. Don’t let them pull you into negotiations and most importantly they do not deserve your time and emotional intake to explain how you feel. After all, they are the real abuser, you are just defending yourself.
These actions send a message to yourself. You know that you have value and you are confident about it. Prioritize your sense of self-worth over their dysfunction, don’t let them tell you how you are. Remember that you have power, not those toxic low-beings. From this point, your life will easier and you will find serenity in bashing toxicity out of your life.
